Stop Being The Self-important B&*ˆ&%tch!
I don't want to sound harsh.
Bear with me because this is important.
Women have the bad, and nasty, habit of saying, "if I don't do it, no one else will"... or…"it is faster to do it, instead of asking/delegating."
Does it sound familiar to you?
Well, if that is you, I have bad news… no one is THAT important, neither has the (best) ways, and answers, on how to execute EVERYTHING (well).
On the other hand, if your intention by behaving like this is looking for acknowledgement (even if you haven't noticed it yet), it is also a bad news because, in fact, no one values someone who believes "she is the only one who could do things in the right way, or in any way. Or… (she) is always saying yes to every request".
Even with your best intentions, such behaviour is condescending towards others, but honestly, to you, is absolutely self-defeating.
Why? For the reasons I mentioned before. No one is that important, neither irreplaceable.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have responsibility to your employer and to your own business to deliver your best, and thrive to get as much as possible done in a determined time frame. However, what I'm saying is, many women have the tendency to take responsibility over other people's work.
With that, they are giving two messages: 1. I don't trust you can do a good job 2. I'm the only one who can do this at its best
Which is both situations is backfiring to you as: 1. By not trusting people you are not allowing them to grow, and not building relationships 2. You are overloading yourself with responsibilities that are not necessarily yours
And, you are also misleading yourself with the (ruminating) thoughts: 1. Why can they not do things right? 2. I hope they recognise how well I'm doing this…how good I am.
And here is the thing, while you are doing that, instead of being "recognised for your hard work", you will be 1. Annoying people around you because you distrust them 2. Will be seen as a "deposit container" where everyone can dump the extra work they don't care to do…
Think about it…
Here is what you can do:
Stop volunteering for low-profile, low-impact assignments. Don't be the one always bringing the coffee… You know what I mean.
Recognise when people delegate inappropriately to you. Learn how to say NO politely. For example, you can say, "you know, I would love to support you but right now I'm overloaded with my own stuff"...and stop talking. It is not your job to solve other people's problems
And, if necessary, do some self-talk, to help yourself to avoid feeling "guilty" of saying NO and stop being a "pleaser". For instance, repeat to yourself, "I don't have to feel guilty of saying no, when I'm focused on having my needs met." Got it?
And there is something else.
While you are there working our lovely bottom off, men, your colleagues, are focused on building their careers. They are doing their job, of course, but they are thinking about strategies, connections, networks, they have to be involved in order to move their career, and business forward.
So, don't be the self-important b**&ˆˆ%tch who is taking everyone's tasks (and is frustrated waiting to be recognised about how good you are), but instead, understand what you role requires, what you need to do to expand your knowledge and reach, in order to grow in your career and circle of influence. And define the strategies you will use, the time frame and who will support you to get there.
THAT is your job! 💯
I've been there. I can hear you, and I can help you. ❤️
Confident Communication Architect | International Speaker | Author
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